We don't want to go through any more playoffs, that's for sure
If your team’s performance last season was a pub in town, which one would it be?
Oceana. A once-great institution that dominated the skyline of Nottingham, followed by a few years of being pretty rubbish. Now it seems to be the place to go again, regardless of quality. Not that I do, of course.
Who was your star player last season?
Wes Morgan, Kelvin Wilson, Chris Cohen, Raddy Majewski and Dexter Blackstock all had amazing seasons. I'd like to give it to Luke Chambers, but I'd have to say Lee Camp - he had an incredible year.
And who was the donkey?
Dele Adebola didn't live up to expectation, but I'd have to opt for David McGoldrick. We paid a handsome sum for him, so would have expected a bit more, and his name lends itself to some excellent punning. Arise, Sir David McGoaldrought.
Who’s new at your club this summer?
At the time of writing, the only ‘signing’ was making Raddy a permanent member. Strong rumours suggest that Pratley, Whittingham and Shorey could all be wearing the Garibaldi come August, which would be delightful. For now, the latter is still hanging on for a Premiership club to pick him up.
And who’s been nobbed off?
James Perch has already been flung towards the general direction of Newcastle (for an undisclosed fee of up to £1.5m, depending on which person you talk to in which pub) and Joe Garner has been loaned out to Huddersfield Town for six months. There’s also rumours of Chris Cohen going to Bolton for £5m. I'd be sad to see the latter happen (although the Evening Post will have already written the headline 'Cohen, Cohen, Gone'), but £5m for him would be hard to say no to.
Any pre-season goings-on worth noting?
A few pre-season friendlies, with some pretty low-rent teams and two pretty good ones. First up a trip to Portugal, followed by a home friendly against Lyon. I'd prefer them to just be over and the season start properly.
If you threw a party and your team’s manager unexpectedly turned up, how would he behave?
People would wonder why he was there, then after a short while you’d wonder how you ever partied without him. After the supply of whiskey runs out, though, he would threaten to leave if you didn't get him more. So you have to nip to the all-night Tesco and sort him out, ensuring that everyone knows you throw the best parties in town.
What do you hate most about the other club across the Trent ?
I don't hate them, I hate Derby. But the one thing that riled me was when they thought they had a bit of wedge so kicked the rugby team off their pitch, even though they'd said they could use it. Not a very nice thing to do, really. I also didn't like that slimy credit card salesman they had in charge for while - County fans should have had a gander at his track record before buying into that Munto business. And how come they never got in trouble for the advertising on their club crest?
What are your kits like this season?
At the time of writing, what appears to be the new home shirt has been leaked online. If it is, it’s miles better than last season’s - plain, simple, classic, with a stripy two-tone effect and no frills or faff. Forest are usually woeful with merchandising and club promotion - last season’s home shirt wasn’t available until just after the big kick-off, and the away shirt just about made the shelves for Christmas. As for the away shirt: it could be anything.
Where will you be in five years’ time?
At the City Ground watching Premiership football, and seeing Derby plunged further into debt by hosting a World Cup.
Call your shot – what’s your club gonna do this season?
Entertain, frustrate, shock, upset, disappoint, excite and enthral. The league is too open to make predictions. Unlike last year, Forest have nothing to fear from this season’s crop of Premiership rejects - Portsmouth, Burnley and Hull are no Newcastle or West Brom. I'd like to see us finish above Derby and get promoted automatically. I don't want to go through any more playoffs, that's for sure. Screw it: we're gonna win the league.
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