Ten Greatest Film Sporting Rivalries

Film: Magic & Bird: A Courtship of Rivals (2010)

The surprisingly moving HBO movie portrays the story of the greatest rivalry in the history of basketball.  Not dissimilar to the Messi vs. Ronaldo debate raging on in football currently, these two monsters ruled the game above all others, representing the huge rivalry between the Lakers and the Celtics that dominated basketball in the 1980’s.  

Winner: Each played 13 NBA seasons, each made 12 All-Star game appearances and each has 3 Season MVP awards.  Bird has a high points and rebounds per game record, but Johnson has five NBA Championships compared to Bird's 3, meaning he just sneaks it.  Plus, at time of writing, Johnson looks infinitely better than Bird, despite living with AIDS since 1991.

Film: The Damned United (2009)

Revie built a dynasty at Leeds United in his 13 years at the helm of the club, winning a League Cup, an FA Cup, a Division Two Championship, two Division One Championship and two UEFA Cups.  It took Ol’ Big Head just 44 days to destroy that legacy after Revie left United for the England job in 1974.  The pair famously clashed on TV following Clough’s inevitable sacking.

Winner: There’s only one real winner in the long run.  Clough won two European Cups at Forest, and is widely considered one of the greatest managers in the history of the game.  And Revie?  He might have a solid legacy at Leeds, but he’s ultimately remembered as the guy that clashed with the great Brian Clough.

Film: Rush (2013)

A rivalry that began in 1970 during a Formula Three race and continued throughout their careers, Hunt and Lauda were polar opposites in Formula One.  Hunt was brash, extravagant and full of piss and vinegar, whereas Lauda was more stoic, restrained and thoughtful.  Both were extremely fast, and together they created the most engrossing and emotional rivalries in Formula One history.

Winner: It’s a tough call.  Hunt lived the high-life up until his death in 1993, and is fondly remembered as one of the biggest characters of the sport.  But Lauda won three Championships to Hunt’s one, as well as overcoming horrendous burns in a crash during the 1976 German Grand Prix, so it has to go to the Austrian.  

Film: Caddyshack (1980)

Gambling might have been illegal at Bushwood, sir, but Judge Elihu Smalls NEVER slices.  That is until he cracked under the watchful eye of Al Czervik and his Jewish friend Wang.  This began a rivalry that ultimately cost Smalls his boat, his pride and $160,000.

Winner: Al Czervik, all day long.  As Moose and Rocco carry Smalls away to “help find his checkbook,” the soothing sounds of Kenny Loggins kick in, a gopher dances and Czervik joyfully announces that we’re all gonna get laid.  Cue credits.

Film: Raging Bull (1980)

These two men were destined to be fierce rivals from the moment they first touched gloves in 1942.  Robinson, a spectacular athlete, was already 35 and 0 and firmly on his way to becoming one of the greats, and La Motta was the proverbial brick shithouse, a one-man wrecking ball that could take more punishment than any other to step inside the ring.  As one newspaper described it at the time, La Motta was the bull, Robinson the matador.  Whilst Robinson won that bout on points, La Motta won the rematch a year later, knocking Sugar Ray through the ropes in the process and inflicting the first defeat of his professional career.  Over the five fights the two shared, Robinson won four.

Winner: La Motta ends up fat, alone and destitute.  He’s ostracized from his brother, separated from the wife he almost killed, forced to sell the jewels from his Championship belt and performing one of the worst stand-up routines ever committed to film.  But to be fair, Ray didn’t knock him down, so he wins on a technicality.  

Film: Escape to Victory (1981)

The most striking thing about Escape to Victory isn’t that someone decided to make a World War Two film starring Bobby Moore, Pele, Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone, it’s that it was directed by John fucking Huston.  The genius behind The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and The African Queen, for some inexplicable reason, decided this was the right project to add to his considerable canon.  The star-studded cast of Allied POWs made plans to escape their prison camp under the guise of a friendly game of football against the Germans in Nazi-occupied Paris.

 Winner: Pele et al. I mean, the Nazis lost the war.

Film: All This Mayhem (2014)

Not unlike the Hunt vs. Lauda rivalry, the Pappas Bros. vs. Tony Hawk was the clash of two polar opposites.  The Australian brothers had the balls to try anything on a skateboard, and lived as wild a life as you can expect of the skateboarding scene in the 1990s, whereas Hawk was more subdued, and a much safer bet for sponsors.  This one was all about who landed the first 900, a fact that caused some controversy upon the film’s release in 2014.  

Winner: The Pappas Brothers were considered to have more raw talent than Hawk in the late 1980s.  Since then, Tas has served prison time in both the US and Australia, and battled heroin addiction, whilst Ben committed suicide in 2007 after being accused of murdering his girlfriend.  Hawk, meanwhile, made one of the sickest PS1 games ever, so you probably have to hand it to him.    

Film: The Big Lebowski (1998)

Walter willed it, and it was no dream.  Under the stress of watching his ex-wife’s Pomeranian, Sobchak was the only one to notice Smokey’s toe crossing the line.  Despite his protestations to the Dude to mark it an eight, Sobchak refused to back down.  This wasn’t ‘Nam, this was a League game to see who entered the next round.  Walter cared about the rules.  The score was marked zero.

Winner: Walter, without a doubt.  He may have had to pull his pistol out to get the right result, but justice was done in the end.

Film: The King of Kong (2007)

For my two cents, no other rivalry in the history of sport has surpassed these two titans.  One, an up-and-coming renegade with nothing to lose, happy to let his child sit in a nappy full of their own shit so he can practice Donkey Kong.  The other, a mulleted sociopath with his own BBQ sauce, an ugly wife and the worst collection of ties in human history.  Who will get the Donkey Kong high-score?  Will taped attempts count?  And will anyone respond to that autistic kid telling people there’s a kill-screen coming up?

Winner: A debate as contentious as the abortion issue. It’s a close call, especially seeing as Mitchell held the record for so long (USA!).  But, ultimately, it’s Wiebe that emerges victorious with a last-ditch taped record.

Film: The Hustler (1961)

The classic story of Master vs. Young Pretender.  After taking an early shellacking from Fats, young Eddie vows to return to beat him one day.  Working his way back up through small hustles, he finally gets his chance, staking $3,000 on a single game.

Winner: Did he have his thumbs broken in the process?  Yes.  Did he display an almost sociopathic need to win at all costs?  You bet.  Did he drive a vulnerable young woman to suicide?  Sure.  Should this whole list have ended at five?  Definitely.  But at the end of the day, “Fast” Eddie Felson beat Minnesota Fats, and got to make a sequel with Tom Cruise.  You can’t really put a price on that.

Borg vs. McEnroe is screening at Broadway Cinema from Friday 22nd September