What you been chatting?
“I had one of them well-man check up at the doctor’s ten year ago. He says, ‘You're all right, you could run a marathon’. Had a bleddy heart attack on the toilet a month later. Goes to show, doesn't it?”
“How you gonna let a gyal take you for chips like that fam?”
Woman: “I keep typing it wrong, can I just call you Ken instead?”
Man: “No! No one’s been called Ken since 1962!”
“Hot damn! One boogie down. He just ejected at Mach II…. I thought you’d never ask”
“There's two things in Nottingham I don't like, and you're one of them”
Man on phone: "Don't mess me around" *long pause* "Oh my God! That's my ferret!"
“I pushed her out my vagina fine but I struggle pushing her up this hill”
“I got up early on Tuesday morning and popped half a Ritalin so I could tidy up before the cleaning lady came”
“He skinned a cat.”
“Why did he do that?”
“Too much acid.”
“What can I eat that's not got any calories in?”
“Would you use your manners and just talk to me instead of being a twat”
“Which potato based food do you prefer, chips or mashed potato?”
“Why can’t you just let me be myself, daddy?”
“We're going to Hockley Arts Club, they got all the trees”
“Why we having onion rings on a roast?”
“Well, I forgot the stuffing”
“Hang on a minute... I'd better set a timer for 15 minutes to check the children haven't died”
Man: “It's a bit too musical”
Woman: “It's a musical”
“I got my belly out to upset her nan”
“Had to sack three labourers for tossing off round the corner of a building”
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