We Catch Up With Documentary Maker Jeanie Finlay About Her New Film ‘Your Fat Friend'

To start with the obvious question, what made you want to tell Aubrey’s story? 
I started making this film six years ago. I usually have two or three projects on the go at one time - that’s how you sustain a career as a filmmaker, first and foremost, but I also get bored. I started making this before I started shooting Seahorse and the Game of Thrones documentary [both released in 2019]. I wanted to make a film about fatness and what that means now. I noticed people using different language and talking about it in different ways on social media, and I decided that was something that I wanted to interrogate. 

I was invited to Los Angeles to interview people for Game of Thrones, and I used it as an opportunity to hop over to Portland, Oregon, to do a bunch of filming. They had a really good store there called Fat Fancy, which attracted loads of different bloggers, and I met up with Aubrey - who was the anonymous writer, Your Fat Friend. As soon as I met her, I knew I wanted to make a film with her. Her writing style is intensely political, but also intensely personal, and she is just this towering intellect - I had a feeling, straight away, that she was my film. 

What was really interesting was that she was someone who was trying to change the world anonymously, talking about her experiences - but that didn’t mean her family or her personal relations were on board with that. And her family were in a really different place to her when she started out. So Aubrey was in one headspace, and her family were in another - and the distance between them was where I knew the film lay. 

This feels like an interesting change to your other films, in that the subject grew in popularity and reputation during the shoot, whereas others only really gained notoriety from your films. How did you find that during the shooting process?
When I met Aubrey, she’d written two blog pieces. By the time we wrapped filming, she was a New York Times best-seller with one of the hottest podcasts in the world. It was really interesting that she started this podcast without giving her personal details; she was just this floating voice on the internet. And it was really intriguing to film that happening - listeners were establishing this intense parasocial relationship with a voice. Aubrey takes up space as a person, and in the past she’s taken a lot of abuse for her size. As the podcast became popular, there were definitely moments of emotional whiplash for her - she found people that liked the fact she was loud and unapologetically herself, and they wanted her to be more of that. 

Do you aim to deliver any messages with your projects and, if so, what do you want viewers to take away from this one? 
I usually make films about people who know who they are, going on a journey. They’re all quietly political. But I want people to find their own meaning in them. I want to create space for people to come to their own decisions - I don’t want to spoon-feed anything. Most importantly, though, I want people to feel stuff - and that can be really hard. On the surface, a film can look quite simple, but trying to create emotional experiences is the biggest challenge for a filmmaker. 

Is this an optimistic film?
Yeah, I think it is. Aubrey’s message is to treat fat people like people. Examine your bias. Don’t just accept watered-down science you’ve read in the Daily Mail. Don’t shout at fat people exercising in the street. The number one reason children are bullied is because they’re fat, and a lot of fat-shaming happens in the home, from parents and family members. So Aubrey encourages you to talk to the fat people in your life, don’t make assumptions, and examine your own biases - which can be hard, but it’s so important. 

I was at your Q&A screening for Subject, which dived into some really interesting topics - especially around ownership and autonomy for people involved in documentaries. How do you go about establishing this in your films, and how was your relationship with Aubrey?
I think it’s really important, but it’s also tricky. It’s not something that I’ve always got right. I want to make films where people recognise themselves - good or bad. And I feel like I’ve had that. It’s about being transparent with subjects. When I knew this was the film I was going to do, I visited Aubrey in Portland, without a camera, and chatted with her and her family about what it would mean to be in a film, and asked if she wanted to do this. Consent in filmmaking isn’t binary: You don’t just sign up, and then six years later you have to stick by that one thing you said that one time. It’s a constant discussion. When the film was done, I flew back out to see her and her parents, and sat with them and watched it - and they didn’t have any changes. Because there’s trust there. You always have to be mindful of the film you make; people have to live with the outcomes. 

Do you factor in your subjects’ potential reactions to the films you make as you make them, or do you make the film that you want to make respectfully and positively?
There are always ethical choices running through the process. There’s a scene in Your Fat Friend where Aubrey is sitting down and we project some of the death threats she’s received above her head. I recreated a wall from Aubrey’s house here in Nottingham, and then comped her in later, because we didn’t want to subject her to them again. It’s not fair for a human being to deal with that. So there are choices like this that you constantly make. You have to be able to stand by them.

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