Comparison, consumerism and Christmas: Nottingham Counselling Service share some tips for the Christmas period

Words: Frances Danylec
Illustrations: Zhara Millett
Friday 06 December 2024
reading time: min, words

With both emotions and shopping bills running high during the Christmas period, we hear from Nottingham Counselling Service who have a pertinent reminder about avoiding comparison during the festive season.

Zhara Millett NCS

Look down Clumber Street on any day in December and the bobbing sea of shoppers can easily leave you feeling as if everyone around you has plenty of money for a lavish Christmas. If you’re not on the physical high street, the virtual one throws the same message, and you’re met with a tsunami of ads that have stalked your gift hunting. We feel the pressure to spend in the run up to Christmas. We want to make others happy and this generosity is an admirable goal, but when it creates a Christmas that stretches us beyond our financial limits, it takes more away from us than it gives. 

Someone who really understands the impact of the festive period on our finances and relationships is Shoana Qureshi-Khan, Executive Director of Nottingham Counselling Services (NCS). January is the peak time that clients visit NCS with money worries and relationship strain, after expectations of the festive period have fallen through. “Christmas is not worth getting yourself into debt. It's not worth fighting and causing more conflict within the home,” Shoana says. 

What about those of us who don’t have big extended families of jolly uncles, siblings and grandparents? You don’t need a lot, says Shoana.

To add to the mix, children are off school, many adults are off work and having everyone at home can leave the household feeling like a pressure cooker. For those that live alone, having more services closed over the bank holidays can amplify isolation. The expectation to be jolly and loving, fuelled by warm, optimistic films, only adds to the tension.

So what can we do to have a genuinely happier Christmas? The answer doesn’t lie in abundance and overindulgence. “I think we want to give our kids everything possible. What we're seeing is they don't need it, they need us. They need their parents in a really stable position,” Shoana says. “It's about looking at what you can reduce. Maybe you don't have as many people around, you have less gifts, you cook more things you like and not what other people like. And don't feel bad about it!” Planning, preparing and reducing expectations of ourselves are all key. 

Adverts leave us feeling that the money we spend is correlated to the love we receive, but from years of experience of supporting people, Shoana knows this isn’t the case: “What people really yearn for is to be around people that care. That's ultimately it.” What about those of us who don’t have big extended families of jolly uncles, siblings and grandparents? You don’t need a lot, says Shoana: “If you've got one or two good people around you, that's an army. If you haven't got those people, there's people around that will see you through. There are great groups around Nottingham that will be doing things, so no one should be isolated. That’s first and foremost.”


Nottingham Counselling Service is a charity that believes good mental wellbeing should not be restricted by circumstance or background. One-to-one therapy: £18-£58 per session. Visit nottinghamcounsellingcentre.org.uk to self-refer.

@nottinghamcounsellingservice

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