Nottingham Counselling Service talk tackling loneliness through community

How are you feeling after the buzz of the festive season has subsided? It can be difficult to go from a few months of high stimulation – noise, lights, crowds shuffling through Market Square inch by inch – to one that’s quieter and calmer. 

This contrast can feel stark and can leave us feeling lonely. We may not have the same people around us, as visiting friends and relatives head back to their usual routines – and we do too. We might not be going out as much, having spent up the month before. Or we may have had a difficult Christmas, spent alone or, sometimes worse, spent with people who don’t understand us. 

We feel lonely when we don’t have the quality or the quantity of the social relationships that we need. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution with loneliness; some of us need one or two people in our lives and others need a party. If you’ve been feeling lonely, ironically, you’re not alone. Shoana Qureshi-Khan, Executive Director of Nottingham Counselling Services (NCS), tells me it’s far more common than we might think. “People feel lonely at all ages and across all backgrounds. People in their 20s, early 30s, late 50s, tell us that they don't have people in their life and they're so isolated.” In fact, 12.8% of people in Nottingham feel “often or always lonely” according to the Office for National Statistics Opinions and Lifestyle survey. 

It’s not a mental health problem in itself, but loneliness and mental health are connected and can worsen or support each other. I ask Shoana how we can alleviate loneliness and she tells me about the importance of community. “Community is vital. It's crucial,” she tells me. “Human beings are not isolated creations. We aren’t animals that are fed for a few days by a parent and then off we go, to fly into any area. And even in those scenarios, birds will cluster together.” It’s clear that building a community is just part of our DNA. 

If you’re in need of more connections – or better quality connections – you can search for groups, activities and mental health support locally on websites like Ask Lion and Notts Help Yourself.  Volunteering is also an often-overlooked way to improve your social life and mental health, as you develop a sense of community by working with others towards a common goal. It’s also free and travel expenses are sometimes covered, so you needn’t be out of pocket. 

If you’re in a good place, Shoana recommends reaching out to others who might not be. “I think we've forgotten that humans need each other. We're not machines. We need to stop pretending we are.”

Nottingham Counselling Service is a charity that believes good mental wellbeing should not be restricted by circumstance or background. One-to-one therapy: £18-£58 per session. Visit nottinghamcounsellingcentre.org.uk to self-refer.

Reference if needed: https://www.ons.gov.uk/visualisations/dvc1262/alwaysoftenmap/index.html