A Nottingham couple who foster children tell us about their experience.
Our journey as foster carers seemed like a natural progression because my mum, when I was a child, fostered babies, and I remember the love, the warmth and the friendliness of the babies, when they came into the house. It was a very warm atmosphere, and I thought that in the future, I really wanted to do this.
It got to a point when our daughter wasn't at home all the time but at school, so we decided to take the plunge and go for it. Our son was born extremely premature, so we were in hospital for quite a while and saw other children coming and going that weren't going home to parents. We always thought that we’d do it after finishing having our children.
Being a foster carer is quite an interesting thing to do. If a stranger turned up at your door tomorrow with an innocent child in their arms and said, “this child just needs someone to love them and look after them for a few months,” I think that a lot of people would find it hard to turn them away. That’s basically what foster caring is: being that person that says ‘yes’.
When a child leaves, it is really sad and does affect us quite a lot in our family. But ultimately, it's not about our sadness. It's about the happiness that a child gets when they leave; being able to see them settled in a family, moving on from us is, ultimately, the reason we do it. The difference from when a child comes into your house to when they leave is absolutely amazing; the abilities and things they didn't have, the experiences that we've been able to give them, the difference is huge.
A few years ago we got an invite to a family celebration for one of the children we used to have. We were guests of honor at their family celebration, and when we got there, everyone burst into tears. It was one of the moments which, looking back, we'll always remember. It was about a year after the kid had left our home and they’d joined one of their siblings in a family. As soon as they saw us, even though we hadn't seen them for such a long time, they remembered us and came straight for a hug.
The difference from when a child comes into your house to when they leave is absolutely amazing; the abilities and things they didn't have, the experiences that we've been able to give them, the difference is huge
It's great when you take a child, who's probably been quite shielded and not had many experiences, on holiday, and they see the sea for the first time, and we watch their eyes light up. We've also had a lot of children who we've taught to walk, and they're probably the most absolutely special members we've got. Those sorts of memories, with most of the children we have, are fantastic. We can show up in their lives.
We have local hubs in our area where we can meet up, every two to three months, with other foster carers. We can talk shop, which we can't do otherwise. Social workers also turn up, so it's a chance to get together with foster carers. They also, a couple of times a year, have family days, which we can take our children to. They're given a treat for the day, where they go to a different place, a water sports center or an adventure center. They’re given the day out without us and have a thoroughly good time.
In our local authority there's always someone on the end of a phone, even if it's out of hours. That can be another foster carer or a social worker. We’ve always felt really supported, and there's such a big team around us that there's always someone to be able to call. As a foster carer, the support we receive makes all the difference. From the very start, we are fully prepared and guided every step of the way. The training opportunities are excellent, helping us build the skills needed to support the children in our care. Knowing that we are valued and always have someone to turn to gives us confidence in our role. The ongoing support and sense of community make fostering even more rewarding, reinforcing the positive impact we have on children's lives.
A lot of people ask how fostering impacts our own children. Our answer is that, when we go to parents’ evening, the first thing the teachers say is: “Your children have so much empathy.” They see fostered children come in and make a wider difference, not just in their lives, and it impacts their own experiences. So, it’s nothing but a positive for them. I came from that background myself, and it made me a more empathetic and rounded person. So we can pass that to the children in our family.
The biggest highlight for us is meeting the children after they’ve moved on, seeing them settled into their family, the experiences they’re able to have and the memories they have with us as well. That’s fantastic. We probably keep in touch with probably 60% of the children we've had. It’s heart-warming to see them grow up through the years and be so attached to their families, becoming a unit; just as one. It's so natural and beautiful. It really is.
Foster for East Midlands, a partnership with local councils in Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire, are looking for carers to take care of children in need, across both counties. To find out more or start fostering yourself, head to their website below or call 03033 132 950.
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