The national mental health crisis and its profound effect on men is a phenomenon widely talked about that lots of people have posed different solutions to. In Sneinton Market however, LeftLion neighbours The Fox and Grapes pub are tackling the problem in a concise and simple way, inviting local blokes into the space to openly chat about whatever might be bothering them. Matteo D’Alesio went down to speak to the team about how to Get Men Talking…
“There’s still a stigma - men shouldn’t show their emotions, shouldn’t talk about how they really feel.”
Aaron has been Assistant Manager at the Fox and Grapes in Sneinton Market for three years now - but for the past eight months, he’s been providing a space for men to talk about their lives, feelings and mental health.
“If people want to talk, they can. If they don’t, they don’t have to. It's an informal drop-in,” he explains.
Get Men Talking happens each Sunday between half twelve and half two, where men who want to talk about any issues weighing on their mind can stop by. They are given the space to talk about as much or as little as they want, at their own pace, and in their own way.
“Pubs generally are a bit more of an informal environment anyway. It takes some of the pressure off.”
Men struggle to talk about their mental health; it’s a contributing factor to the suicide rate for men being around three times higher than the rate for women. Mental health charity Mind found in as recently as 2019 that 34% of men would talk to friends or family if they were feeling low for two weeks or more, compared to 52% of women.
“Sometimes all it takes is someone to ask if you’re alright. And it doesn’t happen enough,” says Aaron. “It's not only that men aren’t expected to talk about it, it's also that men don’t think they can ask other men about it.”
The positive effect of peer-to-peer support groups for men’s mental health is spreading over the country. Andy’s Man Club (AMC) is a similar group to Get Men Talking, which started in 2016 with one group and now has over 270 groups nationally.
The ‘Andy’ in Andy’s Man Club is Andrew Roberts, who died by suicide in 2016, after which his mother Elaine Roberts and his brother-in-law Luke Ambler decided to set up a volunteer-led weekly support group for men to help save lives.
If you walk through the door and want to sit in the corner - if you don’t want to be acknowledged, not a problem. You’ve already won if you’ve been able to come in. You’ve made the first step
“One guy said: ‘If it wasn’t for this club, my wife wouldn’t have a husband. Another said: ‘if it wasn’t for the club, my daughter wouldn’t have a father. It’s saved my life’,” AMC founder Luke Ambler told magazine The Book of Man in 2018, with only more lives being saved since.
Over in Sneinton Market, I spoke to a regular attendee of Get Men Talking who told me how he found the sessions: “Once the pressure’s been released, some of the steam has come out. I feel a bit more confident that I can go forward. Some of us weren’t taught how to open up and share. Others were taught you don’t do that: you put it in a box, you bury it. It’s a downward spiral - you’ve got to slow it down.”
It's one of the things you notice about Get Men Talking: it allows you to slow things down, to take small steps. It doesn’t carry the extra pressure of walking into a clinical environment, or the stigma of talking about your mental health to a professional. It allows you to walk into a pub and choose whether you want a pint, a coffee or a chat about what’s bothering you.
“If you walk through the door and want to sit in the corner - if you don’t want to be acknowledged, not a problem. You’ve already won if you’ve been able to come in. You’ve made the first step, you don’t need to engage, it's ‘well done’, you should be proud of yourself for making that step.”
When we suffer negative mental health it can seem natural or comforting to isolate or withdraw, but this typically makes issues worse. In 2023, the World Health Organisation declared that loneliness has the same physical effects as smoking 15 cigarettes per day - in part due to elevated levels of stress.
“We’d sooner have you sat in here, and be quiet with us, than be sat on your own. You can sit on your own, and technically it's quiet but it can get very noisy, very quickly. Whereas if you’re sitting here, it's a different noise; it quietens down the internal noise.”
Aaron tells me about a memorable attendee of Get Men Talking: “A guy came in, had never been to the pub before, and we got chatting to him. He had a job where he worked with people with mental health issues but he often found it hard to deal with his own mental health.
“He was more used to helping other people and he wasn’t helping himself as much. The following week he came back with his partner. Both stayed for a couple of hours, had something to eat and chatted to people.
“He left here looking three times happier than when he got here. It’s great to be able to see the difference in someone just from having a conversation. You could see he felt better in himself.”
In the time taken to read this article, one person in the UK would’ve attempted suicide.
“Even if you just drop your mate a text,” Aaron explains. “Saying, ‘how are you doing, you okay?’ or ‘haven't seen you for a bit, fancy going for a pint or a coffee?’, sometimes that's all it takes to break the cycle.”
Get Men Talking takes place each Sunday between 12.30pm and 2.30pm at the Fox and Grapes, Sneinton Market, 21 Southwell Road, NG1 1DL.
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