I love a good burger. Even more so when it’s accompanied by a fizzy pop machine with OVER A HUNDRED DIFFERENT FLAVOURS of Sprites, Fantas, Coke – you name it, they’ve flavoured it. I was running late so managed to scope out the gaff while searching for my LeftLion family: white and red square-tiled walls, a massive, shiny open kitchen behind the tills, review quotations in frames around the room. Yeah, Five Guys is looking fresh.
I found the riff raff upstairs, where we perused the menu and hopped to it. For me, it was a no-brainer – bacon cheeseburger all the way (£8.75). I think that’s massively steep, especially as you have to order chips separately – that always makes me feel a bit duped. But still, give it to me.
Toppings are all free, so I went for grilled mushrooms, grilled onions, green peppers and jalapenos. I’m telling you, the first bite was the stuff wet dreams are made of. The juicy, thin patties were laced with that real-hip-hop, plastic cheese goodness, and came wrapped in foil, which somehow added to the pleasure. The Cajun fries (£4) were just begging to be shoved in the gob. Flavour game was strong. All this, hoovered up in around thirty seconds flat.
Unfortunately, our veggie sister was less than impressed with her flavourless, soggy vegetable sandwich (£3.75) but it’s probably not a typical venue choice for our herbivore friends. A veggie burger packed with that Cajun spice wouldn’t have gone amiss, but you can’t have it all.
Suddenly, a hot dog appeared. And it was good. Filled with pickles, mustard and magic, I managed an eye-close-inducing bite before it was clawed from my grasp by the pack. They do a beef dog and a bacon cheese dog which, at around a fiver, I’d be happy to go back and sample.
The drinks are a massive highlight – I felt like a kid in a sweetshop. “Raspberry Sprite? Cherry Fanta? Blueberry Coke? I just don’t know!” At £2.50, those babies are refillable too. Trouble is, you’re always gonna end up pissing into next week with those kinds of getups. Another nice touch is the free buckets of peanuts.
Overall, this is somewhere I’d go for a treat, or if a bit smashed, craving fast food and unable to talk myself out of spending so much. Basicalleh, it’s McDonald’s for the more discerning burger enthusiast. Bridie Squires
34 Long Row West, NG1 2DR. 0115 988 1932
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