Hercules

 

First things first: Hercules stinks. Obviously.

The Rock can’t act, and even if he could he’d still be playing the mythical Greek hero clad in a loincloth and waving his big club around. The plot is trite, the majority of the dialogue would shame your average porn shoot, and acting legends like John Hurt and Ian McShane chew their way through the (admittedly beautiful looking) scenery.

But I think the fact that it is utterly horrendous isn’t the point. If any of the financers who chucked bags of money at director Brett Ratner expected an understated art house masterpiece, they would have been as stupid as me if I was expecting it to be anything other than entertaining guff.

Settling into the near empty IMAX screen at a midnight screening, drink in hand and dignity left at home, Hercules explodes into life from the opening scene, leaving the audience in no doubt as to what it is trying to be. The trailer, which depicts The Rock, or Dwayne Johnson, throwing a horse and screaming “I AM HERCULES!” does little to offer anything other than an honest depiction of the hundred-or-so minute goofy romp through mythology.

Hercules (or the original Greek Heracles, for all my Classics fans out there), arguably the most famous figure from ancient mythology, has never really been done justice on screen. With almost  one hundred big screen representations since 1915, few really stick out as anything other than awful. Steve Reeves, the man who turned down both Clint Eastwood’s role in A Fistful of Dollars and the part of James Bond in Dr. No, showed his usual good judgment in a couple of old fashioned sword-and-sandal epics in the late fifties. Directed by Pietro Francisci, the largely forgotten Hercules and Hercules Unchained were decent box office successes at the time, but don’t hold up to anywhere near the standard of Ben Hur or Spartacus.

Mickey Hargitay and Alan Steel also took the famous role during the sixties in a string of equally forgettable films, sounding the death-knoll for the Italian sword-and-sandal era. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferigno, and Ryan Gosling have all similarly failed with their own attempts at bringing the character to life. But, other than the Disney version, which in fairness is still one of the least popular from that period of the studio’s output, no screen representation has ever really connected with the audience.

Bret Ratner’s Hercules isn’t even the first this year, as Kevin Lutz’s representation of the hero in The Legend of Hercules bombed horrendously, hopefully proving the final nail in the post-300, highly stylized, zero plot coffin.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Hercules. Its utter dreadfulness somehow didn’t bother me as much as it should have done. I daresay it almost tap dances its way into the wonderful territory of being so awful, it comes full circle to be purely entertaining.  

The one interesting aspect came in portraying Hercules not as a clear-cut, demi-God son of Zeus. But rather, playing off The Rock’s wrestling past, depicting him as something of a huckster: he hides arrowheads up his sleeves to give the effect of super-human punching abilities and his crew helps dispatch attacking soldiers from the shadows to exaggerate his prowess as a soldier. He is presented as a charlatan employing a team full of tricks and turns to keep his fading myth alive.

As hammy as John Hurt and Ian McShane are, they add a much-needed gravitas to the acting talent, as does the painfully under-used Rufus Sewell who, despite being great in pretty much everything he does, continues to be cast in stuff like this and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

As much as I feel these words may one day haunt me, I’d probably recommend Hercules, particularly for those who are already a fan of what’s left of the once-great genre, or those under no illusions of what to expect. It doesn’t take itself too seriously like Troy did, nor does it rely too much on ultra-stylish visuals like pretty much every historical epic made after 300 does. And, if nothing else, it features the best Man vs. Horse scene since Mongo knocked out that mare in Blazing Saddles. It might stink, but it stinks in the best way possible.

Hercules is currently showing at Cineworld, Showcase and Savoy cinemas in Nottingham.

Hercules Official Site