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Girl: That keep comin' back, yeah?
Guy: It's herpes innit, yeah? It don't go away you know.
“I never draw my eyebrows on, it makes you look a right div. Do you draw your eyebrows on?”
"You can't be psychologically addicted to carrot cake!"
“I don't believe in fate. I believe in sod's law, though.”
"Prison doesn't sound that bad. I could write a book with all that time."
“You can 'ave 'em, duckeh. They'd fell down round me ankles by the time I gorr’ome.”
“There’s that puddle I told you about earlier!”
“I've been nominated for Sustainability Champion at work – I don't even know what that means.”
Bloke: What offers are you doing on drinks today?
Bartender: It's 20% off Heineken if you're a student, are you a student?
Bloke: No, but I used to be. Can I still get the discount?
“Ellie Goulding gave my mate a handjob in the shower.”
Daughter: Fuck off mum, you used to bring loads of men back to the house.
Mum: Don't say that in front of my fuckin' grandson.
“Want a chicken dipper? You can dip it in my ice cream.”
Lad 1: Why's it rainin’?
Lad 2: Because fuckreh!
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