Overheard in Notts

Woman: Shall we get a trolley or a basket?
Man: Let's get a trolley, you can't go wrong with a trolley.
Woman: That's why I love you. You make me feel safe.

“Farting is like having an orgasm in your arse.”

Man: You shouldn’t trust skinny girls.
[Awkward silence]
Man: It’s just an observation. Take it or leave it.

"Xylophone man - not quite Brian Clough, but close."

''I didn't understand a word he said until he started swearing.''

Woman: Let's use the pedestrian crossing.
Man: I thought you were anti-establishment.

"I'm glad we're out because now we can leave the court of human rights and bring back the death penalty."

“I prefer dead people to flowers.”

“You don't put bananas next to razor blades. That's just asking for trouble.”

"I did not come on your parents’ night out to have a fight with a transsexual."

"Look, shut up, you know I only drink coconut water."

"I have a reservoir of semen."

"Fam... This McFlurry is too lovely"

Toddler: That’s a duck.
[Points to a pigeon]
Mam: That’s not a duck, it’s a bird.

“I'd never let a snail tail jizz on my face.”

Man 1: Is Bolton abroad?
Man 2: No, it's up north somewhere.
Man 1: What? Like in Boltonshire?
Man 2: Somewhere in Boltonshire, yeah.

“They wouldn't dare go that speed if they were in Hollywood.”

"It were 28 bob a week when I started National Service. And he had to pay to get his kit clean.”

More Overheard in Notts