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“We went to see Mungo’s WiFi or whatever they're called.”
“Tara, Tara, I can smell fish. Is it you?”
Woman 1 to Woman 2, after many minutes of silence: “D’ya know, I’ve never had thrush.”
“I’m sure that Overheard in Notts is made up.”
“God, I’m hot. You know it’s bad when your eyebrows run down your face.”
“Wake up and give me your seven inch.”
“I ran out of nail varnish so I just used Tippex.”
“You put your big boy pants on and take responsibility for your own salads.”
“If you buy me an engagement ring from Argos I’ll finish you.”
“These northern Kit Kats aren’t half as nice as the London ones.”
Woman: Wha’ poisonous animals do they ‘ave in Canada?
Man: Bears.
“Hel... oh… it’s always your bleedin’ answer phone. Anyway, just to let you know that Jean died in January. Ta ra!”
Man 1: Yes mate, congratulations!
Man 2: What for?
Man 1: Er, you've just had a son, haven't you?
Man 2: Oh right, yeah. Ta.
“They don't call me Chundering Charlie for nothing.”
“UKIP have just ruined the combination of yellow and purple for me.”
“I’m sweating from places I didn't even know existed.”
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