Good god, you don't half come out with some corkers...
“My daughter’s 37. She’s quite beefy.”
“So I told my best friend that I fancied him, yeah, then she started giving him 50p every single day, and said she fancied him too.”
“I’m very wary of tomatoes, I am.”
“But Dave, the apocalypse needed to be discussed, that’s all am sayin’.”
“Hey pal, sorry about the other day. I was drunk.”
Man: Hello again, we should get married.
Woman: Are you loaded?
Man: No, but I’m a nice person.
Woman: I’m only interested in loaded.
“I had Fawaz on the back of my shirt.”
“We’re keeping that crazy alphabetical-order vibe going on.”
“Would you rather eat heroin or inject a bacon sandwich?”
“I'm good at verbal anyway.”
“Shut up, Ian! Stop being so stupid and have your f***ing vinegar.”
“Indigo child? Yeah she’s an indigo child. She was conceived on the night bus.”
“Wait, so... I don’t get it. Which one of you was touching her shoulder?”
Man 1: Good mornin’, blud.
Man 2: Nah, ain’t got time for that.
Man 1: You what?!
Man 2: F*** that fam, ain’t got time for no good mornings.
Man 1: Look at this beautiful weather. You spoiled my morning, blud.
Man 2: Nah allow that, I’m busy.
Man 1: Come here now so I can buss ya head.
(Man 2 runs off)
Person 1: What happened to you, mate?
Person 2: I broke my ankle playing pool.
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