Thanks to the ‘double closet’, bisexual people are much less likely to come out than gay and lesbian people in the LGBTQIA+ community. They’re also at a higher risk of anxiety and depression in comparison to the larger population. That’s why bisexual activist Vaneet Mehta decided it was important to write his brand new book Bisexual Men Exist, the piece of nonfiction that aims to bring solidarity to the multisexual community. We catch up with him about the new book, alongside bisexual representation on screen…
This is a book that started with a hashtag. First tweeted in 2019, and then resurfacing in 2020, Vaneet Mehta posted to Twitter a very simple statement: #bisexualmenexist. And before long, the website was lit up with men sharing their stories of bisexuality, their feelings of erasure and their pride in their identity. “There were multifaceted reasons behind why I started this conversation,” Vaneet says. “It was partly in response to bigots, partly to celebrate bisexuality, and also to help those who, like me five or six years ago, couldn’t see themselves online. I wanted to create a narrative that showed we exist. So, the book was really an extension of all that.” A kind of guidebook, Bisexual Men Exist therefore has very similar aims as its hashtag predecessor. To help bisexual (and other multisexual people) understand their identity within the structure of monosexism - the false idea that people are either gay or straight.
A particularly interesting subject for our screen-themed magazine, Vaneet’s book delves into the importance of bisexual representation in film and TV. “When you don’t see yourself represented in the media, it can be really hard to accept and understand yourself,” he says. “A lot of the bisexual people I spoke to in the research for this book didn’t even know that bisexual was a word when they were growing up. So, despite having these feelings from an early age, they didn’t have the language. Traditional education in school has failed us in the past when it comes to queer narratives, and representation in the media has the chance to fill in that void. But so often that has failed too when it comes to bisexual narratives.”
Whether ignoring bisexuality altogether or presenting it as invalid, many multisexual people, including the likes of Vaneet, grew up watching media that was a hindrance to them accepting their identity. As he writes in the first chapter of his book, bisexual people on screen are either presented as actually gay (Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer), just experimenting (Blaine kissing Rachel in Glee), morally villainous (Kathryn in Cruel Intentions), or greedy (Todd in Scrubs). And, most often, they aren’t represented at all. “That had a massive impact on me. It made me think you had to be either gay or straight,” Vaneet muses. “The media holds up the structure of monosexism, and that can make it really scary and confusing to even explore your sexuality if you don’t feel you fit into either category.”
Traditional education in school has failed us in the past when it comes to queer narratives and representation in the media has the chance to fill in that void
Perhaps unsurprisingly, bisexual and multisexual people are out to their friends and family statistically less than their gay or lesbian counterparts. They may think it’s easier to stay closeted, they may be afraid of the judgement from the straight and the LGBTQIA+ community, but also, as Vaneet notes, many people have so heavily internalised the binaries of ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ that they don’t know how to accept or spot their own multisexuality. They, like the media they consume, are quick to dismiss their own identity. “That was my story,” Vaneet says, “and even when I did come out in my mid-twenties, people still told me I was gay. Everyone always wanted to tell me I was something else.”
So, though not the only factor, the media is definitely a good place to start in making bisexuality less taboo. “I think it would just be great to see our narratives on screen,” Vaneet asserts. “It would be even better if the characters were played by bisexual people too, so you can have narratives outside of the media itself. Like on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, when Rosa Diaz came out as bisexual and the actress Stephanie Beatriz did many interviews about her own bisexuality. That was great. But really, I’d just love bisexuals on screen to be normal people, and that doesn’t always mean their story has to be about coming out or trauma. I’d love for us to have the same opportunity as cis straight people, to be a witch or a vampire or something else in which we just happen to be bisexual, where our identity doesn’t play a massive part in the storyline. It’s just normal.”
Bisexual Men Exist is available from Five Leaves Bookshop or any other good bookstore. Vaneet will also be talking about his new book at Five Leaves on Sunday 19 February
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