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The Christmas Light Switch On
I can only hazard a guess at how much electricity has been used for the Christmas lights in Nottingham over the years, but I’ll give it a shot. A lot. And if something is a lot, it must be worth mentioning. We’ve been worshipping surges of power for generations and we must keep the tradition alive.
The “I’m gonna switch in a minute” Switch
Often heard on a crowded Clumber Street on a Saturday afternoon, the mardy arses of the city have been known to lamp each other after bumping shopping bags. Well, that attitude ain’t gonna solve the accumulation of Christmas debt, but I can admire the tenacity here.
The Drug Switch
Commonly found in Nottingham’s dark, concealed places, so Blue Cheeze Barry can switch his wares for cash and skank a bit of wacky backy out of his customers while he’s at it. Baz has gotta make himsen couple of quid, han’t he? Hats off to the innovative bleeder, I say.
The Mystery Switch
They might look a bit old and battered, but there is much power behind mystery switches. Nobody knows if they're doing anything useful, but they probably lead to somewhere proper sparkly. Most people won’t have noticed or cared about them before but, honestly, they are more important than you.
The Robin Hood Energy Switch
No one likes giving money to ‘The Man’. You’ve earned it, why the hell should some fat cat be rolling around on a bed covered in £50 notes when you could be rolling around on a bed of 50p pieces having chosen to get your leccy and gas off a non-profit organisation? You’re getting exactly the same thing but for less cash money. Yeah, that roll may not be the comfiest, but it will feel goood.
The Switch to Dial-Up, Food Banks and Loan Shops
Everyone has to downgrade on luxuries like food and shelter in order to stash dosh away sometimes. Nottingham residents are savvy to this, with many ditching things like superfast broadband for the old days of waiting for your mam to come off the phone before you can crack one out. For more money-saving switches, ask your local dealer.
With love, hugs and austerity,
The Right Lion
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