Take That – Smells Like Teen Spirit
There is no more tragic sight than the nation’s favourite tax-dodger Gary Barlow gyrating in leather trousers and ripping off his wife-beater while his bandmates play the Nirvana classic like they’ve never heard it before.
Sister Cristina – Like A Virgin
The winner of this year’s The Voice Of Italy (the Italian X-Factor, basically) was an Italian Ursuline nun. Snapped up by Universal, the lead single from her debut album is this pious, limp take on the Madonna pop smash. At least it shows she’s got a sense of humour…
Duran Duran – 911 Is A Joke
The nineties weren’t kind to Birmingham’s glam-pop sons. Yet, we can kind of see why, especially when they were doing things like cover this Public Enemy classic about the poor response of emergencies services to black communities. All of that lip gloss and eyeliner must have gone to their heads.
Paul Young – Love Will Tear Us Apart
I was going to link to the audio version, but this live version has to be seen to be believed. Overblown guitar theatrics, mullets wafting in the dry ice, and Paul Young skipping around like a Butlin’s entertainer as he takes a steaming dump on Ian Curtis’ grave in front on a screaming audience.
Placebo – Running Up That Hill
Sullen miserablists take Kate Bush’s sensual masterpiece and turn it in to the sound of a grown man crying himself to sleep as he pisses the bed.
Anastacia and Celine Dion – You Shook Me All Night Long
Cringeworthy scenes from everyone involved. Like your Mum and Aunt getting drunk at your wedding reception, thinking they’re ‘rock chicks’, and getting up with the live band to ruin your special day.
All Saints – Under The Bridge
Anthony Kiedis’ tale of drug addiction and the impact it had on his life is turned in to glossy r 'n' b pop fodder by combats wearing girl group who do their best moody faces in the video.
Mika – Teardrop
Emotionally devastating tribute to her dead boyfriend Jeff Buckley by Elizabeth Frazer written (while recording with Massive Attack) on the day she found out that he had drowned turned in to a piece of hippy-scented whiny fluff complete with bongos by the high-pitched prancing idiot.
Limp Bizkit – Faith
Never trust a forty year old man who pretends to be a teenager by wearing baggy shorts and a baseball cap on backwards. All of the George Michael’s recent problems can be linked to the first time he heard heard this version.
Agree with our choices or want to suggest your own? Let us know in the comments section below...
The Nottingham Annual Christmas Covers Party 2014 featuring the likes of Grey Hairs, Ear Vings, Rattle, The Madeline Rust plus many more all murdering your favourite songs takes place at The Bodega on Saturday 13 December 2014.
Christmas Covers Party event on Facebook
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