Sneeky Reefer
A sixty-year-old ex-miner has been fined a shedload of cash because his son decided to grow a few naughty plants in his yard while he was on his jollies. The man later admitted he had an inkling but, after noting his guilty plea, clean record and good character, the magistrates spared him the clink and sent him on his way with a hefty bill.
Horse Not Around
Some sickos left five dead horses on the side of the road in East Leake. For why? Nobody really knows, but it clearly weren’t to flog ‘em cos nobody stuck around with a chip and PIN machine. The RSPCA have said that cruelty to horses is actually a growing problem – bell their appeal line if you hear of or see any more equine injustice.
Trackie Teefer
Over the Christmas period, a Nottingham lass got caught pinching a tracksuit from Sports Direct. When she was in court, she said she knew it was stupid, but that she didn’t have any family or friends to spend Christmas with and just wanted one present for herself. Damn. Quite the reminder that December ain’t exactly plain sailing for everyone, no matter the hordes of jolly fat blokes making you think otherwise.
Worra Racket
Some noisy blighter in Stannz has been stripped of her top dollar sound system after causing havoc in her neighbourhood by refusing to put a sock in it. The musical blasts deafened her poor owd neighbours to the point of desperation, and the council have taken her gear and fined her a hefty two grand. As far as commitment to the noise cause goes, sterling work.
J4MB. WTF.
Mike Buchanan (leader of the Justice for Men and Boys party) reminds us of a small child who doesn’t share, especially not with – shudder – girls. The party’s manifesto includes preventing women becoming teachers, and their website links to articles like ‘Why women lie about being raped’. These pleasant fellows will be fielding three candidates in Nottinghamshire for the General Election. Goody gumdrops.
Bright Sparks
Forgetting the monster leccy bill that was bound to come their way, a family from Nuthall managed to raise eleven grand for charity after adorning their home in more Christmas lights than the whole of Clifton put together. The public were invited round to take a look, see Santa and make donations. If that ain’t festive spirit, we don’t know what is.
Branching Out
Forget the Oscars, the only awards ceremony to have us waiting with baited breath is the Tree of the Year competition, for which our very own Major Oak in Sherwood Forest has been nominated. Taking on stiff competition from rivals in Hungary and Estonia, our owd lad is under pressure to perform as best a tree can. Wood on you, you’d be barking mad to miss out on an opportunity like this.
Bus Naked
Trentbarton bus drivers have bared all for a charity calendar, raising money for Lincs and Notts Air Ambulance to tackle slow journey times – makes a change, dunnit? Just messing – it’s great what they’re doing. The aptly-named driver, Bones, thinks so too – he’d already got his dobber out with the Broadmarsh team in 2008. You can buy the calendar from any of the trentbarton shops… if you dare.
Scooter School
Have you been injured at work? On the road? Or down the cereal aisle in yer local Tesco after being mowed down by a rambunctious owd gimmer? Apparently enough have experienced the latter for the council to pump cash into awareness lessons for mobility scooter users. Before you know it, they’ll be setting up speed cameras in precincts everywhere. Brum brum.
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